Why Our Words Matter

ARE WE PAYING ENOUGH ATTENTION TO THE WAY WE SPEAK TO CHILDREN WITH SEND?

When we talk about inclusion in education, the conversation often focuses on funding, specialist provision, assessments, EHCPs and access to appropriate support. These are all essential issues, but there is another part of the school experience that deserves just as much attention: the way adults speak to children.

A report published in October 2026 by Words Matter has brought renewed attention to childhood verbal abuse in education and the potentially damaging impact that negative communication can have on children's wellbeing, confidence and development.

The research makes for uncomfortable reading. It found that two in five children in the UK, equivalent to 41%, experience verbal abuse from adults, with more than half of those affected experiencing it weekly and one in ten experiencing it daily.

The report was discussed at a House of Lords event involving policymakers, education leaders, safeguarding professionals, researchers and child development experts. It also highlighted the importance of positive teacher–pupil relationships and the need for schools to strengthen their approach to communication.

For children with SEND, this conversation is particularly important.

Consider a child who struggles to regulate their emotions, finds transitions difficult or becomes overwhelmed by a busy classroom. Their behaviour may be interpreted as challenging, disruptive or deliberately difficult when, in reality, it may be communicating distress, anxiety or an unmet need.

A child with autism may struggle to respond quickly to verbal instructions. A child with ADHD may find it difficult to remain seated or concentrate for extended periods. A child with a learning disability may need additional time to process information. A child with speech, language and communication needs may struggle to explain what is wrong.

If adults respond to these difficulties with repeated criticism, frustration or negative language, the impact can be significant.

Children may begin to feel that they are constantly getting things wrong. They may lose confidence, become anxious about attending school or start to believe that they are the problem rather than recognising that they need support.

The Words Matter research identified experiences including humiliation, sadness, reduced confidence and a loss of interest in learning among children who had experienced harsh language.

This is particularly concerning because schools should be places where children feel safe enough to make mistakes, ask questions and develop confidence.

Of course, teaching is demanding. Classrooms are busy environments, and teachers and support staff are working under considerable pressure. They are managing different needs, competing demands and increasingly complex situations.

It is important that this conversation does not become about blaming individual teachers. Instead, it should encourage schools to examine the culture, training and support available to staff so that positive communication becomes part of everyday practice.

The report highlights the importance of understanding neurodivergence and unconscious bias. Adults need to recognise that a child's behaviour does not always communicate what it appears to communicate at first glance.

Rather than immediately asking how to stop a behaviour, we should be asking what might be causing it, what the child is trying to communicate and whether the environment is meeting their needs.

This shift in thinking can make a considerable difference.

It also means listening to children themselves. Their experiences should help shape school policies, behaviour approaches and safeguarding arrangements. Children need to know that their voices matter and that they will be taken seriously when they explain how they are feeling.

The report's recommendations include strengthening positive teacher–pupil relationships, improving staff development around communication and neurodivergence, and placing children's voices at the centre of prevention and repair.

These are important principles for every school, but particularly for settings supporting children with additional needs.

We should never underestimate the power of language. A few words can make a child feel valued, understood and encouraged. Equally, repeated negative interactions can leave lasting emotional scars.

The question we need to ask is not simply whether children are achieving academically or meeting behavioural expectations. It is whether they feel respected, supported and safe in the environments where they spend so much of their lives.

For children with SEND, being understood can make all the difference.

Words really do matter. And the way we speak to children should always reflect the dignity, patience and respect every child deserves.