The Forgotten Siblings

How to Make Half Term Special for Every Child in a SEND Family

When a family has a child with additional needs, so much of everyday life can understandably revolve around making sure that child gets the support, care and attention they need.

There might be therapy appointments, school meetings, additional planning and routines that help everyone get through the day.

Parents often become experts at anticipating needs, adapting activities and making sure their child feels comfortable and supported.

But what about their brothers and sisters?

Siblings of children with SEND can have wonderful relationships with their brothers and sisters, but family life can sometimes be complicated. They may experience moments of frustration, worry, jealousy or confusion, particularly when they feel that family activities and attention are often organised around someone else's needs.

This doesn't mean parents are doing anything wrong. It simply means that siblings have feelings and needs of their own, and they deserve opportunities to be heard.

With October half term approaching, it's a lovely opportunity to think about how every child in the family can enjoy some special time together.

Siblings can have mixed emotions

Growing up alongside a brother or sister with additional needs can be a unique experience.

Some siblings become incredibly understanding and protective. They might learn about autism, ADHD or disability from an early age and develop a strong appreciation of differences.

Others might find it difficult when family plans change, when a sibling receives more attention or when they don't fully understand why certain things happen.

A child might feel guilty about being frustrated with their brother or sister. They might worry about upsetting their parents by asking for more attention. Sometimes they simply want to do something without having to consider everyone else's needs.

All of these feelings are normal.

The important thing is to create an environment where siblings feel able to talk openly without worrying that they're being unkind or unreasonable.

Make time for individual attention

One of the most valuable things you can give a sibling is some dedicated time with you.

This doesn't need to involve an expensive day out or a complicated activity.

It could be a trip to the shops, a favourite board game, baking together or simply having a chat before bedtime.

The important thing is that they have an opportunity to enjoy your attention without feeling that they have to compete for it.

If you have more than one child, finding individual time for everyone can be difficult, particularly when caring responsibilities are demanding.

Try not to put pressure on yourself to make every moment special. Small, regular opportunities to connect can be just as meaningful.

Let siblings choose some family activities

When planning a family day out, it's easy to automatically choose something that works particularly well for the child with additional needs.

Of course, accessibility and individual support requirements are important. But it can also be helpful to give siblings opportunities to suggest activities they'd enjoy.

Perhaps one day of half term could involve a favourite activity chosen by one child, while another day is organised around their brother or sister's interests.

You might need to adapt the activity or make additional arrangements, but involving everyone in the conversation helps children feel that their preferences matter.

Help siblings understand additional needs

Children often have questions about their brother or sister.

They might wonder why they communicate differently, why certain sounds upset them or why family routines sometimes need to change.

Age-appropriate conversations can help children understand what's happening without making them feel responsible for their sibling's wellbeing.

You don't need to explain everything in one conversation. Let children ask questions and answer them honestly in a way they can understand.

Books, stories and child-friendly resources can also help explain autism, ADHD and other additional needs.

It's important to avoid suggesting that siblings are responsible for managing their brother or sister's behaviour. They can be supportive family members without becoming little carers.

Don't expect siblings to always get along

Every family has disagreements, arguments and moments when children simply don't want to play together.

SEND families are no different.

Sometimes a sibling might need their own space, particularly if their brother or sister's behaviour is affecting the household.

It's okay to create separate play areas, offer individual activities or allow children to spend time doing different things.

Try not to expect siblings to be endlessly patient simply because their brother or sister has additional needs.

They are children too, and they deserve opportunities to express frustration and have their own boundaries respected.

Make half term about shared experiences

There are lots of ways to create family memories that everyone can enjoy.

You might organise a family film afternoon, make Halloween decorations, visit a local park or spend an afternoon baking together.

The trick is to think about how activities can be adapted so that everyone has an opportunity to participate.

For example, if one child finds busy environments difficult, a family picnic in a quieter location might be a better option than a crowded attraction.

If children have very different interests, you could take turns choosing the activities.

It's not about making everyone enjoy exactly the same things. It's about helping every child feel included.

Look after the siblings as individuals

Sometimes siblings benefit from having someone outside the immediate family to talk to.

There are organisations and support groups that provide information and opportunities for siblings of disabled children to connect with others who understand their experiences.

Sibs is a UK charity dedicated to supporting people who grow up with a disabled brother or sister.

Its resources can help parents understand the experiences of siblings and find ways to support them.

If your child seems particularly anxious, withdrawn or upset, it may also be worth speaking to their school or a suitable health professional.

Remember that you matter too

We can't talk about supporting siblings without recognising how much parents are managing.

Trying to balance everyone's needs can feel like an impossible juggling act, particularly when you're tired or worried about your child.

There will be days when plans don't work, someone feels left out or everyone ends up a little frustrated.

That doesn't mean you've failed.

Family life doesn't need to be perfectly balanced every single day. What matters is recognising that every child has individual needs and making space for those needs wherever possible.

Every child deserves to feel special

Having a brother or sister with SEND can shape a child's experiences in many different ways. It can create wonderful bonds, develop understanding and bring families closer together.

But siblings also need to know that they are important in their own right.

This October half term, try to make a little space for everyone's interests, feelings and experiences.

Spend some individual time together, let siblings have a say in family plans and remind them that their thoughts and feelings matter.

Because while supporting a child with additional needs is incredibly important, making sure every child in the family feels loved, valued and included is just as important.